My name is A—– R—— and I am a satyr. What’s a satyr? Well, in mythology it’s a short half man, half goat that is perpetually horny and always chasing nymphs around. Just think of me that way since the clinical definition doesn’t necessarily apply to me, and I’m over six feet tall. Also, I’ve figured out how to get the nymphs to chase me, so there’s that.

When I was nineteen I was in a car accident that broke my spine and left me with some… partial numbness… that makes it very difficult for me to have an orgasm. I still remember the first time I had sex after the accident, after the months of recuperation in a body cast. My girlfriend, S., spent ten hours riding on top of me until she finally screamed, “why won’t you come?”

At first I thought… well, the first thought I had was: ‘fist pump- Oh yeah! Who’s the Man!’ but then the reality of what happened set in and I started realizing what it actually meant. After many long, hard months of trial and error (giggity) I figured out that, in order to have an orgasm, I needed to overload my brain with sex hormones. It takes on average ten to twenty hours of sex and a ridiculous amount of pheromones (stank, in the common parlance) which is best accomplished by overloading my partner’s brain with sex hormones as well. Which can be accomplished by giving her as many orgasms as possible, often lasting much longer than you may think an orgasm can last.

Boy are you in for a surprise.

I say “my partner” but you need to realize that one woman cannot possibly withstand that length of sex without serious friction burns in a sensitive place. Now I’ve tried, oh how I’ve tried, to have a committed relationship with just one woman, I was even married for five years. But, well, have you ever had sex and not had an orgasm? How did that make you feel? More importantly, how did you feel about the person you had sex with? Now imagine that over years, over and over again and you can see that I really can’t have anything like an exclusive relationship. It’s torture for me and really not fair to her.

Understand I’ve never cheated on anyone, despite wanting to; really, REALLY wanting to. I just think a person is only as good as their word and I want to be a good person so I kept mine no matter how miserable it made me. Now I’m done with that nonsense, I will never be someone’s exclusive anything ever again, and I am finally happy.

Over the years I’ve discovered many ways to give women ridiculous orgasms, overloading their brains with sex hormones, and doing it in such a way that the sex can go on and on and I’m sharing those methods with you, you lucky fucker. I know you’ll enjoy using them more than I did discovering them.

Just one word of warning: when you overload your brain with sex hormones you, too, will become insatiable. That means that, no matter how much your body screams at you to stop, you will want to keep having sex. Even an orgasm won’t stop the horny so, use this knowledge with some degree of caution. You’ve been warned.

Don’t complain to me when someone you’re having sex with won’t let you stop.

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