Perhaps the most famous book about sexual positions ever written is the ‘Kama Sutra’ by Vâtsyâyana. This manual is simply a compendium of earlier works collected together by the celibate monk and written around 300 B.C.E. Although many people think of the Kama Sutra as a sex guide it’s actually more complex, with advice on relationships, marriage and dating that continues to have relevance today, after more than two millennia.
This chapter is considerably less detailed in terms of the number of sexual positions described because there are only so many ways a man and a woman can fit together, when it’s two men or two women different variations can be utilized but many of those were already covered in different chapters. Where possible I’ve combined many types that you may be familiar with because I see no need to give different names to positions that are in so many other ways the same. Reverse Cowgirl, for example, is listed as a variation of Doggy Style. So, let’s start this off with:
With the woman lying on her back and the man on top the couple is facing each other. This position gives a great deal of freedom for the woman to use her legs to control how the penis is entering her vagina, her hands and arms are also free to caress various erogenous zones. Her legs can be used to control the speed and depth of intercourse by wrapping them around his waist or buttocks and pulling him inside her to a rhythm that she controls. She can also pull her legs up farther if she is flexible enough, to rest her ankles against his shoulders, this way different areas of her vagina or clitoris can be stimulated by her design. By closing or spreading her legs she can increase or decrease depth of penetration and labial manipulation.
For his part the man will want to follow the woman’s lead as his body is somewhat locked up with supporting himself above her but his hips are free to move. I would suggest that simple thrusting, while pleasurable, is only one motion available to him. He might want to rotate his hips to change the areas of vaginal stimulation, and changing the speed or depth of his thrust. Even, instead of thrusting, perhaps sliding his body along hers; a great deal of clitoral stimulation can be accomplished this way. Try using your toes to move your body instead of just your hips.
By bringing his knees forward and leaning his torso back (to an upright sitting position) the man can free his hands and arms and will be better able to stimulate the woman’s G-spot with his penis. Unfortunately this position limits the stimulation of the clitoris so he might want to include a little clitoral massage along with nipple tweaking and other methods of stimulation. From this position the woman’s legs are better able to control vaginal stimulation by spreading wider or pulling closer together.
I’ve had a great deal of success by having the woman twist her legs to the side, then straddling the lower leg and bringing the upper leg to rest on my shoulder. This variation allows for greater penetration while enhancing the clitoral stimulation that might be lost with the above variation. This position, unfortunately, limits the woman’s movements but it allows for a great deal of freedom for the man’s hands and hips. She can still exert some control using her own hands especially if they are guiding his hips.
The next variation of Missionary would be the woman on top straddling the man who is lying on his back. This position gives the woman all the freedom of movement she could possibly want and is a great way to let her control the ebb and flow of sex. The man can continue to thrust, of course, and I would recommend some practice to get yourselves in sync. Just remember to let her control the speed and depth of penetration. From this prone position the man may want to run his hands along her body, tweak her nipples, possibly spank her butt if she’s into that (careful with the aim there, your testicles are very near the prime spanking spot) and massage, caress or fondle any of the other erogenous zones available. The woman, by leaning forward or back, can control depth of penetration or vaginal stimulation, by leaning back (not too much, an erect penis has a limit to its bendability) she can achieve a greater degree of stimulation for her G-spot.
The final variation of missionary is with the woman straddling the man who is in an upright sitting position. I’d recommend he cross his legs tailor fashion with her legs wrapped around his waist. This position limits the movement of both partners but, by flexing thigh muscles, the woman can be bounced up and down. This position also limits penetration depth and clitoral stimulation. Why would you want that? Simple; mucous membranes get sore very quickly, often it is preferable to limit stimulation and to go slowly to increase the duration of sex. She won’t get sore as quickly. I find this position especially useful after an hour or so when her vaginal wall and labia is beginning to wear down.
The next set of positions starts with the woman on her knees supporting her torso with her hands or elbows. The man is behind her, either on his knees or standing with her on a raised platform such as a bed. Both may be standing but height disparity may become an issue; being taller than most woman I usually have to spread my feet quite far apart. By adjust the distance between her knees the woman can control depth of penetration and labial stimulation. In this position the man has the greater freedom of movement and, by grasping her buttocks firmly and pulling them up and out, he can achieve greater depth of penetration. The woman can also “twerk” her gluteal muscles to control the speed and depth.
An often overlooked variation of this position is to have the woman lay flat on her stomach with the man on top. This position, while limiting penetration, will cause better stimulation of the woman’s G-spot. Unfortunately this position also limits the woman’s ability to move almost completely and will prevent stimulation of any erogenous zones on the front of her body and most on her sides and back as the man has to support his weight with both his legs and his arms.
Another variation of this is the “Reverse Cowgirl”, with the man lying prone and the woman on top, facing away. This position will aid in stimulation of her G-spot and will often allow a greater degree of penetration. The woman will have virtually complete freedom of movement but the man can still thrust or flex his hips to achieve ‘bounce’ and use his hands to manipulate her hips and buttocks.
This position is best thought of as performing oral sex on each other at the same time. It can be performed with one person laying atop the other or with both of you side by side depending on your preference. Both partners’ heads are at the level of their partner’s genitalia and they lay in reverse to each other.
This is by no means a complete list of sexual positions, nor is it meant to be one. It’s only a starter guide, a few ideas for you and your partner to start from and to develop your own positions, find your own favorites. Remember; everyone is different, what works for one person might not work for you or anyone else for that matter. The idea is to play, try new things, talk openly with each other and experiment with what works best for you both together and individually.
It’s often the case that we want to increase the speed of thrusting to achieve orgasm but I’ve found that when a woman is about to orgasm going slower and deeper will achieve the better result. An orgasm gotten through fast motion will be fast and fluttery whereas one gotten through slow, deliberate motion and depth of penetration will be more likely to last longer and have a more profound effect. People often think speed is the key to sex, I’ve found that this is exactly the opposite to good sex; men will last longer by going slower, women will have more orgasms and those will be much better, more “earth shaking”, if you will.
Thrusting doesn’t have to be linear either. Your hips can move in different ways and moving them in different ways will change the nature of the sensations for you both. Try a side to side motion mixed with a forward thrust or a circular motion. Ask your partner which they enjoy more and realize that the answer might be different depending on what they feel like at that moment. Here’s another suggestion, try adding an up and down motion to the thrusting by having her move her hips while you move yours. There are any number of ways you can play with the motions of your bodies to achieve different sensations, tickle different areas of her vagina and make sex so much more than just in and out.
Remember to mix things up, no one position will achieve everything sex can be no matter if it’s a favorite. Just as our moods change, what we find works best one night might be different the next. Keep trying different things, avoid getting stuck in a rut, and have fun. Sex is supposed to be fun, right?
There are three distinct stages to arousal; the running up phase in which you want to vary things up, use a lot of erogenous zone play during this fun stage. During this phase you are building up sex hormones and increasing the sensitivity of nerve endings. The repetition phase is the second and it’s when you’ve found what currently works. During this phase you just want your partner to keep doing what they’re doing because it’s working and getting you to where you want to go. The final stage is orgasm and I’ve already covered a number of topics concerning this one in the oral sex chapter.
But don’t think of sex as having an achievable goal; the orgasm isn’t the end-all, be-all of sex, it’s just one stage of many. Granted it’s an enjoyable stage but it doesn’t have to be the end of the encounter. Sex is a fluid thing, you’re meant to ride waves of pleasure and hormones and really enjoy the ride, but it’s not about the destination so much as the ride itself.